Its 8:44 PM September 17, 2016. Im sitting on a bench. Cold and air-conditioned. Supposedly comfortable and cheery. But tonight I'm the saddest person to ever walked the surface of the earth. All the energy is drained from me. I just sign a form, giving consent to kambing's vet to do a high risk surgery. Very high that his survival chance drop to just 10%. I felt guilty, sorrow and silently depressed. Here I am sitting, very well alive while my most beloved thing in the world is struggling to fight for his life.
Kambing is a Turkish Mixed cat. I adopted him off the street during a cold winter two years ago. I remember it was about to snow and his white silky fur was dirty from mud and soot. Since that we have been very closed. Inseparable, that I just can't left him in Jordan after I BFG. Like a friend. Like a family.
I love him so much, that being away from him made me weary. Im sure Kambing feels the same toward me too. Sometimes, I even made excuses to not go out with my friends so I can spend time with him. Pathetic, hahaha.
Kambing was injured during his flight in one of Qatar airways fleets from Amman to Kuala Lumpur on the 4th of September. He wasn't in his cage when we arrived at KL. The details are so complicated. One day later, he was found hiding in one of the warehouse in KLIA. He was sent straight to Kota Kinabalu and I found him injured. However, I was still so relieved that I can still hold him, and smell the cat's scent of his fur. He purr. But he is in a lot of pain. His front left leg has a large tear on it. He was given antibiotics shot to prevent any infection. After that he was sent to the quarantine house in Kinarut.
Three days had passed and it was 8th September. Kambing's condition worsen. I got a call from the quarantine unit telling me that he need to be sent to Sabah Animal Medical Centre (SAMC). I consented. Didn't care how much it cost, Kambing must get better. Blood was drawn, cannula was inserted and his wounded front leg was treated and dressed. All in all, the staff did their job in an excellent way. They even take an xray to make sure that there is nothing involved in his internal. Kambing was admitted to the ward that day. My only pray is that he will get better and be normal as soon as possible.
Second day of admission witness a mark improvement in Kambing's health. He started biting, moving around the table and even tried to get into one of the report boxes in his ward. I smiled on the sight of it. Above all, he did the one thing i will never forget; he tried to get into my bagpack. It reminds me of the moment when I first brought him home in jordan. I dont have no box nor a cage. So I put him in my bag pack.
I brought his fur brush today. Brushed his fur just the way he likes it. Seeing his relaxed face made me very happy. I told myself that in a week time, he will become fit enough to amputate his leg. The amputation is inevitable as the front leg died and has necrotic tissue all over. Stinging smell keep coming out of it.
The next day is better. He started to groom himself. Licking is paw and biting his skin. He wants to look good. He always did that at home. He is a very clean cat that everytime a stranger see him, they'll ask weather i give him a bath everyday. Ahh Kambing. Such a good good boy. I love seeing him grooming himself. It means that his good mood is back, and his energy is recovering. I told him to keep up the good work. I miss him. I want to hold him in my arms and I want to kiss him on his red little nose. I miss him on the head of my bed, silently moving his tail on my face telling me to wake up and feed him.
6 days in the clinic, Kambing's condition seems to have decline a bit. I do not know why. After so much improvement how can this happen. Blood was drawn and a Complete Blood Count was done. His WBC increases a little bit along with his lymphocyte. What gave me shock is his Hb count. He is anaemic! He almost need blood transfusion. The problem is this clinic doesn't have a blood bank! I was scared!! I have so many things planned. I want him to be amputated and get rid of the necrotic leg, and be gone with it. But seeing that he has anaemia, the surgery need to be postponed. Okay, I just keep breathing and try not to panic. In my heart I am so worried that I keep telling myself to calm down. He is so loved! I can't lose him!
The days went by and Kambing's condition isn't getting better. His anaemia may have improved a bit with evidence that new Hb is being produced. But his WBC spike a lot higher! The infection is not controlled. I don't know what to think. The antibiotic is not working.
* * *
It is 9:30 PM, September 17, 2016. An hour has gone since Kambing went into the operation room to amputate his leg. I took the risk. With his condition, he may suffer death on the surgical table. There are many options that I can see:
1- Blood transfusion: very hard to find suitable blood donor. The doctors already tried two cats who comply all the conditions to become blood donors but they are not match. Blood group is not the same of Kambing's.
2- Continue the same treatment: if I continue the same treatment, will the same result come? Will Kambing get worse and die after a long suffering? I don't like this wait and see attitude.
3- Proceed with the amputation: remove the infected and inflamed front leg which is the main cause of anemia. But the mortality chance is high.
I opt for number three. I know I might be wrong to opt for it. But for the time being it's the most effective option that i have. I can't just wait and let him suffer for another day.
So I kissed him. Kiss him and hug my cat. I told him to fight, and that I'm always here.. waiting for him. The vet ask me many times if I really want to do this and I told her that they are only two ways that he can die in his current condition: First if we continue the treatment and there is no improvement, he dies. Second we do the surgery for a little chance of improvement, but he died on the table.
So I sign the form. Get into the ward and kiss Kambing again, he bite me but I keep kissing his nose. Feeling his warm dry fur indicating there is still life in it. Absorbing every memory as it goes and telling Kambing that I love him and always will be.
Its 9:46 PM. I'm still sitting on the cold bench in an air-conditioned room. Waiting for Kambing. Hoping for the best to the cat who always been there all the way in the final 2 years of my medical education. The cat who soothe my aching heart. The cat who releases me from my tension after a day round at the hospital. The cat who presents itself when I have the migraine. The cat who eats with me and my housemate. The cat who sleeps on my lecture notes while Im studying. The cat who can open the door. The cat who can play fetch. The kombo cat who can be a cat, dog, a rabbit and a goat. The cat that was always there in all of my emotions and understand them all. The greatest cat who I call mine: Kambing nyinyambingi nyambing nyambingi.
10:54 PM. One of the doctors come out of the operating room. Updates, I think. She tells us that the operation was a success. I feel good for a short while. When she continue speaking, my feeling was gone. She said Kambing is still in a critical condition, his heart already working after injecting some drugs to help it works. (Which means he needs adrenaline to get a pulse) But his breathing still weak. Satu-satu she said. They are still doing chest compression and ambu bag to assist Kambing so he can breath by his own. I am up to all possibilities. God Im so nervous and worried sick! After a few minutes, a nurse come down at us and said the doctor in charge has called us in. I went in. Theres tightness in my chest i can never describe.
11:00 pm. Kambing was pronounced dead. I was with him in the ot when it happens. Holding his little paw and saying my goodbye. Dearest Kambing passed shortly after being taken off his anaesthesia. He allegedly try fighting the effect of general anaesthesia before falling into the state of comatose. A fighter till the very end. Words do no justice of my love for you dearest cat. I have loved you. And I will continue to love you for all eternity.
Then I put him around my arm and carry him out of the OT. It feels like its only yesterday I adopted him off the pavement in a cold winter. 2 years has passed and he is now a big boy. I hope that he had fun in the past 2 years. I hope that I've given all my best to ensure his happiness, his wellbeing, and his health are all taken care of. As I walk out of the OT, theres nothing can't take the moment off me. Kambing lies peacefully in my arms. He looks as if he is in a deep sleep. Like the sleeps he had on a Friday afternoon after eating his favourite food. His rotten leg is gone, no more forceful breathing and no more suffering. He looks as if he is sleeping in my arms. My baby boy. My companion cat. He was always more than a pet.
To kambing
My beloved cat. No words can describe the love i feel for you. Semoga tuhan tidak mempersiakan kasih dan ihsan hamba kepada haiwan. The suffering that you underwent is painful, I wont ever forget them. I might sound a little silly, but I hope in the afterday, when all of us come before Allah Al-Rahman Al-Rahim, afterward I can see you, hold you between my arms, listen to your purr and tell you i have missed you.
nukilan JebatBukanPenderhaka dengan izin Tuhannya
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