- Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Our Dad


Our dad when he passed. He doesn't left us without nothing. 


Pa, today I do my medical training in my university hospital. As you always wanted, I am halfway to becoming a doctor. In less than a year - 11 months to be exact, theyll pull the tittle doctor in front of my name. They'll call me Doctor. And here, they call me Dr "with your Name". I hope then I made you proud of me. And yet in my heart I know, the tittle doesn't make me any better than any body else. 

Pa, today i do my medical training in the Paediatric Department.  A department filled with childern. Though full of cute children with diseases we could never imagine, I see a lot of loving parent. And my thought goes to you all the time. Your white hair, your unbold head, your little janggut you always asked me to cabut with the tiny pencabut. I remember if i lied beside you theres a tiny little skin tag over your left axilla. I remember when i asked you what this is, you said: 

"Tikus gigit masa kecil". 

I believed you! I believed every little thing you told me. And guess what, i know a medical causes of that tiny skin tag. And i hope i should be able to tell you when i see you again. I remember your mee goreng basah when mama went to do her kursus in the State Capital. God knows how delicious they are. I would give everything i have to taste it one more time. 

Pa, I remember when we were at the KKIA lama sending my sister to her flight bound for The Capital and London. There was too much stuff. The kilo exceed the allowed weight. Woman you said: 

 suka bawa barang

Haha. Then u said, nah son, kalau mau naik kapal banyak kali, (haha I bet you knew I like travelling the world) belajar rajin2. 

Pa, I remember something you said long before you passed. There we were, sitting in the sulap (A small hut). The one I hate the most. But I think you know that. With all the big nyamuk oren, when it sting I will have gatal-gatal and bengkak-bengkak. But then you always promise to singgah at Terus Jadi Mini Market to buy me some sweet! Hahaha, and remember I wont talk to you if you forget to buy me mentos? God, when I Think about it, I will laughed alone. I still love sweets, the white one, the most delicious one, the one you always bought. And in the sulap you said: 

"Son, jangan malas-malas mau datang sini kebun. Banyak bah buah2 di sini nih, ada ikan lagi. Kalau bapa suda tiada, saana ada langsat, limau, rambutan, wani(back then the wani is still upright), mata kucing tebu, mangga dan durian  semua ada. Tida payah beli sudah." You said.

And if I could ask you ever again I will ask : did I ever malas again to go to each and every one of your kebun pa? Did I? I fed the ikan, I baja the durian, I fed the lembu, I did everithing you can ever teach me! I even grasscutter the rumput!! You were very terkejut back then. Haha.

Only I didnt know how to marambat (a way to catch fish with some sort of net) your way, and I did ask for you to teach me! The way you spread the rambat, you got the style I've never seen in any of my older brothers. Sorry everyone, truth hurts. A lot. Hahah.  And i remember you comparing the sup ikan yg i made with the one mama made. You said mine was hundred times more delicious than mama's. Well becuz i put the small belimbing near the sulap. Hehe. I know its a way of you to create sweet environment in the family. 

AND FOR THAT I CHOSE TO FORGET AND FORGIVE EVERYTHING YOU DID WRONG.  

But Pa, in my eyes.. you are perfect. You didn't do nothing wrong. Nothing. Pa, you always take care of our education. I remember when I was little, I mintak beli banyak gila buku, and you never said no. Mama did. Haha, she said I have enough. I know what enough is now. Oh and my buku rujukan Biology during form 4. I ask you to but it for me-i saw the same book on my friend's table and I was jealous that he get all the best stuff, the buku rujukan is the best. - I called you, I say "beli di kedai buku ranau yg dekat mellimewa, the buku is hijau, ada gambar periuk kera kuning, just ask the kakak kerja d sana" and in the evening there you were in the white pickup, with my book. And the best thing isss, you wrote my name on the book "jebat tahir" if im not mistaken. The buku rujukan pa, I never gave it to anybody even after I finished high school. I put it in a small box, at the store di belakang rumah.

Pa,  The white pick up though, seen me travel all over the State through the garabel (Not-Yet-Ready) road when you were a Pegawai Operasi (opewwaassi) lol. The white pick up too, saw me travelled with you all the way to the Capital a day before you passed. I wrote something in the pocket of the pickup in red, I didnt remember what, its been ages since I last set foot on the pickup. Ohh, and each time I look at the pickup, I will remember all the memories it created.

Pa, last cuti I went to your kubur, I read the yaasin I ask for your forgiveness  from god. I read the quran. And each time in my sujud i pray supaya Allah ampunkan semua dosa bapa and mama. My only shortcut to syurga. You were taken by Allah before I could ever repay you. And now mama is the one who left. I read the quran so one day in akhirah Allah will give you and mama mahkota yang terang, yang everybody else ask you where did you got the mahkota, and you can proudly say my child read the quran! (So muhammad Saw said). This ramadhan, I think of you more than I normally did. 

Pa, today as I rode the blue bus from the hospital back home I cried, under my shade so no one can see me. I cried as I rewind our last moment together. In the ER, of the hospital, I said "mana sakit pa?" And you point it with your finger just at the back of you. Now I know the medical explanation of such pain! I regret that I didnt know it any sooner. I mandikan your jenazah, I solatkan your jenazah, I kiss your face for the last time,

I have missed you. Sooo much, and today I decided to write this, so others can share my rindu for you. Can give you a moment to pray for you - moga Allah ampunkan dosa bapa, and give us the opportunity to see you once again di syurga. 

Our dad, when he passed, he didnt left us nothing. He left us his love, his beautiful name, kenangan, kebun, pokok-pokok buah, rumah and something to live on. Our bapa, when he passed he left us everything.



nukilan JebatBukanPenderhaka dengan izin Tuhannya


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