Our Dad

Our dad when he passed. He doesn't left us without nothing. 

Its winter.. Favourite season of the four. Cold, windy, snow and rain reflect almost every emotion. Pa, I'm on my way home from our university hospital. Riding our blue bus to Irbid, post round and bedside teaching in my least favourite department - Paediatrics. As you always wanted, I am halfway to becoming a doctor. In less than a year - 11 months to be exact, they'll put the prefix Dr. in front of my name. They'll call me doctor. And here, they call me Dr. "with your name". I hope then I made you proud of me. For making you proud is one of my utmost goal, today and forever. 

Pa, Paediatric Department.  A department filled with children. Though filled with cute children with diseases we could never imagine, I see a lot of loving parent. And my thought goes to you all the time. My ever loving parent. Your white hair, your unbold head, your little janggut you always asked me to cabut with the tiny pencabut. I remember if I lied beside you there's a tiny little skin tag over your left armpit. I remember when I asked you what this is, you said: 

"Tikus gigit masa kecil". 

I believed you! I believed every little thing you told me. And guess what, I know a medical causes of that tiny skin tag. And I hope I should be able to tell you when I see you again. I remember your mee goreng basah when mama went to do her kursus in the Putatan. God knows how delicious they are. I would give everything I have to taste it one more time. Just one last time. 

Pa, I remember when we were at the KKIA lama sending my sister to her flight bound for London. There was too much stuff. The kilo exceed the allowed weight. Woman... you said: 

 suka bawa barang. 

Haha. Then you said, nah son, kalau mau naik kapal banyak kali, belajar rajin2. (haha I bet you knew I like travelling the world). 

Pa, I remember something you said long before you passed. There we were, sitting in the sulap (A small hut). The one I hate the most. But I think you know that. With all the big orange mosquito, when it sting my body started to swell and rashes with itchiness will appear. But, you always promise to singgah at Terus Jadi Mini Market to buy me some mentos! Hahaha, and remember I wont talk to you if you forget to buy me mentos? God, when I Think about it, I will laugh alone. I still love sweets, the white one, the most delicious one, the one you always bought. And in the sulap you said: 

"Son, jangan malas-malas mau datang sini kebun. Banyak bah buah2 di sini nih, ada ikan lagi. Kalau bapa suda tiada, saana ada langsat, limau, rambutan, wani(back then the wani is still upright), mata kucing tebu, mangga dan durian  semua ada. Tida payah beli sudah." You said.

And if I could ask you ever again I will ask : did I ever malas again to go to each and every one of your kebun pa? I learn to feed the fish, I baja the durian, I feed the lembu, I did everything you can ever teach me! I even grasscutter the rumput!! You were shocked back then. Hahah. Weird seeing me dress as a grasscutter!

Only I didn't know how to marambat (a way to fish using fishing net) your way, and I did ask for you to teach me! The way you spread the net, you have this dancing style of throwing net I've never seen in any of my older brothers. Sorry everyone, truth hurts. A lot. Hahah. And I remember you comparing my fish soup with the one cooked by mama. You said mine is a hundred times more delicious than mama's. Well because I put the small belimbing near the sulap. Hehe, I won't admit to putting some ajinomoto! 

AND FOR THAT I CHOSE TO FORGET AND FORGIVE EVERYTHING YOU DID WRONG.  

But Pa, in my eyes.. you are perfect. You didn't do nothing wrong. Nothing. Pa, you always take care of our education. I remember when I was little, I mintak beli banyak gila buku, and you never said no. Mama did. Hahah, she said I have enough. Oh and my favourite biology book during my secondary 4. I ask you to buy it for me after I saw the book on my friend's table and I was soooo jealous that he get all the best stuff (That book is the best) - I called you, giving instruction:

"beli di kedai buku ranau yg dekat mellimewa, buku hijau, ada gambar periuk kera kuning, tanya ja kakak yang kerja di sana" 

And in the evening there you were, in front of my hostel, in the white pickup, with my book. And the best thing is, you wrote my name on the book "Jebat Tahir" with the classic slanting handwriting of yours.  The buku rujukan pa, I never give it to anyone after I graduated high school. I still have it. 

Pa,  The white pick up though, seen me travel all over Sabah through the garabel (Not-Yet-Ready) road when you were a Pegawai Operasi (opewwaassi) lol. The white pick up too, saw me travelled with you all the way to the KK a day before you passed. I wrote something in the pocket of the pickup in red, I didn't remember what, it's been a while since I last set foot in the pickup. Ohh, and each time I look at the pickup, I will remember all the memories it created.

Pa, last summer break I went to your kubur, I read the yaasin I ask for your forgiveness from god. I read the quran. And each time in my sujud I pray so Allah ampunkan semua dosa bapa and mama. My only shortcut to syurga. You were taken by Him before I could ever repay you. And now mama is the one who left. I read the quran so one day in akhirah Allah will grant you and mama a bright crown, others will ask you how did you get such crown, and you can proudly say my son read the Quran! (Or so Rasulullah SAW said). This ramadhan, I think of you more, than I normally did. 

Pa, its December 8, 2015. As I rode the blue bus home from the hospital, I cried. Under my shade so no one can see me. Warm tears flowing on my cold winter cheek. I cried as I rewind our last moment together. 8 years ago in the ER, of Hospital Ranau, I said "mana sakit pa?" And you point your back. I was only 16... all I did was touch the area and pray it will ease your pain. Little do I know you were going through your sakraatul maut.  Now I know the medical explanation of such pain! I regret that I didn't know it any sooner. However, I am forever grateful that I bathed your jenazah, I solatkan your jenazah thereafter and I kissed your face for the last time before we parted...

I have missed you. Sooo much, and today I decided to write this, so others can share my longing for you. Give you a moment of prayer - moga Allah ampunkan dosa bapa, and give us the opportunity to see you once again in jannah. 

Our dad, when he passed, he didn't left us nothing. He left us his love, his beautiful name, kenangan, kebun, pokok-pokok buah, rumah and something to live on. 

Our bapa, when he passed he left us everything.

Beloved father departed the world when I was 16. Life is not the same without him. I thank Allah for the 16 years of joy and happiness that He lend us our dad. 

yang tidak pernah gagal mengirim doa keampunan ke langit,

Anak Bapa.

nukilan JebatBukanPenderhaka dengan izin Tuhannya